What is Pretty?
by Hino Akai
Summary: Not as perky and ditzy as the title suggests. Hotaru-centric, One-shot as of right now. Hotaru compares her beauty to that of the other Senshi in her diary and wonders if 'pretty' is needed for love.


Gah! Don't kill me! This starts as a diary entry from Hotaru's POV. This is HER looking at HERSELF. Not my opinion so don't murder me over it! This was originally a story for Ami but I realized it suited Hotaru so much better.  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. Naoko Takeuchi's. End of story.  
  
Warnings: Um... A little depressing, Hotaru puts herself down... I use the Japanese Outer names and the English Inner first ones for one reason alone. I DESPISE the English Outer names and I grew up with the English Inners. But I use the Japanese spelling for Mercury's name coz I like it better.... Maybe I should just make a table here. Yeah, that works.  
  
PLANET (or whatever) - NAME (first last)  
Mercury- Ami Mizuno  
Venus- Mina Aino  
Moon- Serena Tsukino (Well, now it's more like Chiba or Neo-Queen Serenity...)  
Mars- Raye Hino  
Jupiter- Lita Kino  
Saturn- Hotaru Tomoe  
Uranus- Haruka Ten'oh  
Neptune- Michiru Kaioh  
Pluto- Setsuna Meioh  
And I just call Mini Moon/ Chibi Moon/ whatever Small Lady.  
  
Time period: Crystal Tokyo. Hotaru's stopped aging so she looks around 15, Small Lady looks about 16 (I'm just going to say she still lets people call her that).  
  
Ok, on with the fic! 

* * *

What Is Pretty?  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Have you ever noticed that ugly people never really notice appearance unless it's a random flash of enlightenment or they really want to see it? And that pretty people live by appearances? I'm not pretty. I know this as fact. I never pay attebtion to my appearance or that of others. But lately I've forced myself to. Pretty people notice things like that naturally, no matter which gender they notice it about if not both.  
I don't understand why I'm not pretty. All of the other Senshi are pretty. But not me. Serena, or Neo-Queen Serenity as I should be calling her now, is pretty. She'd have to be in mind and body to rule Crystal Tokyo as she does. Ami is pretty, though she's too wrapped up in her computer and books to notice. Mina... I cannot even describe Mina. She is Aphrodite, Venus, the very essence of beauty that men desire to have on their arm and women desire to be. And all of the others are pretty too.... But I am not....  
What is pretty? Is it a certain curve of the hip and chest? A certain fullness of the mouth? A certain sparkle of the eye or wave of the hair? What is it? No matter what it is, one look in my unfriendly mirror taunts me with the fact I do not have it.  
Speaking of my unfriendly mirror, I am looking into its cruel face now. I am attempting to examine and describe myself to you. I realize I look much like a porcelain doll, broken and rearranged countless times to the point I have no more of my original beauty, if it ever existed that is. My features look washed, the essence drained from them. My milk white skin bears no blemish or break in the color, unmarked by anything and unable to face the sun well. My eyes are large and dull, devoid of any and all true shape or life. They remain the same, deep purple and without the sparkle they may have once held. My raven black hair falls almost to my shoulders and frames my pale, fragile, lifeless face like a samurai's helmet of ancient Japan. I am simple, only a broken and rearranged doll on the feared shelf of unneeded childrens' toys...  
Setsuna-mama seems to agree with my broken doll thought. I recall overhearing to her talk to Haruka-papa and Michiru-mama once. She said it was odd, that everytime I was reborn my features have faded slightly in beauty or prettyness, but retained all of their innocence. She said she remembered a time when Princess Saturn's beauty, my beauty, rivaled that of Princess Venus's yet was prized more for the innocence behind the features. I do not believe her in the slightest. How could my many rebirths affect this situation in the least? Though this thought holds a grain of belief when you examine Small Lady's features. Setsuna told me this is her spirit's first incarnation, and she is lovely...  
Small Lady, my first real friend. Once upon a time, when we first met, she was a little girl from the future. That was during the time of the Deathbusters, a little before Mistress 9 took my body. Now, Small Lady is a bright and bouncy teenage girl one year my elder in appearance and right in her correct time.  
I remember one time before a ball was to be held in honor of Lita's birthday. Small Lady led me to her room. I was utterly confused before she opened her wardrobe. She meant to find me a proper dress since mine were all darkly colored and child-like in style. I was in awe as she pulled out a golden one. I had seen her wear it before. It had looked perfect on her. Some dull ache inside me wanted to wear it, to look pretty as she did. I accepted her invitation to try it on.  
The event ended in sorrow. The magnificent dress fell to my knees in a loose and baggy way, while on Small Lady it was mid-thigh and hugged all the right places. I felt like crying, this should not have happened, we were the exact same height. A sudden hatred for it burned in the pit of my stomach. I changed back into my clothes and politely told Lita once I saw her later that I wasn't feeling well and couldn't make it to her birthday ball.  
I don't understand. What is pretty? Will my question ever be answered? Whatever pretty is, I know only one thing as fact. I am not pretty.  
  
Your heartbroken princess,  
Hotaru Tomoe

* * *

I made a small symbol of Saturn beside my name and closed my diary, sighing. I depress myself so much sometimes but I needed to get that out. With a yawn I slipped my dark purple diary under my pillow, brushing my fingers against the small inlaid amethyst symbol of Saturn on the cover as I withdrew my hand. Another sigh escaped my lips as I drew my covers about me and laid down, two questions poking me still.  
What is pretty? Do you need to be pretty to find love?  
I drifted off, depressing thoughts slipping away as I watched the stars twinkle over Crystal Tokyo...

* * *

Love it? Hate it? Should I leave it one-shot? Continue? Gotta let me know people. Anyways, I'll continue if anyone asks. Later guys. (waves bye as Jigoku yells at her for not enough drama and angst) By the way, I just decided to let Hotaru still call Setsuna, Haruka, and Michiru by those names for emotional impact.


End file.
